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At times, Jay Spring is convinced he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “really delusional”, he explains. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically followed by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his behavior, leaving him particularly vulnerable to negative feedback from those around him. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits on the internet – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. However, he doubts he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had independently formed that conclusion personally. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they feel beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Although people have been identified with narcissism for decades, the meaning can be ambiguous what is meant by the diagnosis. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a leading researcher, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people conceal it, due to so much stigma around the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through things like displaying material goods,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Gender Differences in NPD Presentation

While a significant majority of people identified as having the condition are males, findings points out this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that narcissism in women is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. Male narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” says an individual who posts about her dual diagnosis on digital platforms. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

I find it difficult with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that I am at fault, I often enter a defensive state or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this response – which is known as “self-esteem damage”, she has been trying to overcome it and accept input from her close relationships, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her earlier years. My past relationships were toxic to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her partner “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if I say something manipulative, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and says she lacked positive role models in her youth. It’s been a process of understanding over the years which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I never had that growing up,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were insulting me in my early years.”

Origins of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” notes a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

Similar to other of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships ever worked out. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he admits. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a therapist for an diagnosis and was given the NPD label. He has been referred for talking therapy on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the primary approach that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the treatment delay for a year and a half: “They said it is likely to occur in a few months.”

John has only told a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has accepted it. “It helps me to gain insight into my behavior, which is positive,” he says. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the diagnosis. But the presence of online advocates and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number