This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.
As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable shortcomings. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with woeful writing, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series started, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, fans certainly found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the smallest of this drama's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
With Love, Meghan
Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was like consuming a sales brochure. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.
Prime Target
We love the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for sexual escapades as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
